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dobie

Depression is humiliating

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Nov. 16th, 2011 | 11:43 pm
mood: depresseddepressed

I originally found this on Tumblr, but the way that works, there's next to no way to track down who originally posted it.  To whomever originally wrote this, I thank you deeply - this gives perspective to a very real problem that I struggle with every day that other people might be able to understand.
Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your loved ones, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation.

Depression is humiliating.

If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.

It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too.

Depression is humiliating.

No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart.

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Comments {9}

Kate

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from: mehndix
date: Nov. 17th, 2011 04:54 am (UTC)
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It's a very well written piece.

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Thrashbear

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from: thrashbear
date: Nov. 17th, 2011 07:38 am (UTC)
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I originally saw this a couple of months ago and saved it for future posting, but things have been improving so well that I never really felt the need to post it.

I never knew you struggled with it as many in our circles do.

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Hyena Girl

(no subject)

from: oats_a_plenty
date: Nov. 17th, 2011 09:00 am (UTC)
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I agree, I was depressed for 2 years.

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Akira Shima

(no subject)

from: akirashima
date: Nov. 17th, 2011 09:50 am (UTC)
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Amen
I have been that level of depressed for going on 12 years now

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Naïvety's Star

(no subject)

from: lady_noremon
date: Nov. 17th, 2011 10:15 am (UTC)
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Yep, not really much I can say but that.

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(no subject)

from: fc_greyfox
date: Nov. 17th, 2011 11:33 am (UTC)
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This is all too true. Simply put, depression sucks in the worst kind of way. I feel for anyone that deals with it at all, be it constantly or occasionally. It nearly left me with the job of Daisy Pusher more than once in the past, and it still sometimes plagues me to this day, too.

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Pippin

(no subject)

from: pippinbear
date: Nov. 17th, 2011 07:46 pm (UTC)
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That matches up fairly consistently with what I felt when I had depression. I'm glad it was only for a relatively short time (months) and I've never been suicidal. I eventually ended up prescribed an antidepressant, took it for quite a few weeks (including over a con, FC2006 I think - unfortunately I think I missed taking it once or twice during the con and the resulting moods probably lost me at least one friend), and it handily broke the vicious circle of depression and let me get back to normal. Thankfully I've not (yet) ended up back in full depression mode... although I've always had occasional "bad mood days" (or parts of days) which bear some similarities.

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wildw0lf

(no subject)

from: wildw0lf
date: Nov. 21st, 2011 01:16 am (UTC)
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*hugs a Dobie*

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stone_rabbit

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from: stone_rabbit
date: Jan. 11th, 2012 04:41 pm (UTC)
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Sounds like a combination of depression and anxiety from the description.

Depression is awful. For some people there's a reason for it that can be fixed, for others it's a chemistry issue. BF is the later, and I'd say I'm the former. People shouldn't be so quick to judge things they themselves have never experienced, but hey... there's no such thing as a perfect person.

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